Last night I had a dream about flying. At least, we were meant to fly but, symbolically, we never actually took off, merely spent a great deal of time on the preparation. Yes, even in dreams I still manage to procrastinate!
I’ve done lots of things in my life since coming into recovery, and finding the Twelve Step programme, which has led to a connection with a Higher Power of my understanding (which I call God): none of which I ever believed possible before. For one thing, I left my family home, and acquired a place of my own - something I never imagined I’d be able to do. And, since then, I’ve moved twice more - another feat I thought myself incapable of, since I hate change so much, and any disruption causes me such anxiety and distress.
I worry especially about food, since I have such a ‘specialised’ diet - I am vegetarian/almost vegan; can’t eat sugar, of ANY description (and so much of it is hidden in foods you wouldn’t expect it in), other than certain fruits; can't eat bread products, so no quick and easy sandwich snacks for me to carry with me; don’t have dairy; don’t eat anything processed, pre-packaged, instant, etc - I make everything from scratch. And the list goes on).
I fear not being in control, and letting go and letting God do His/Her/Its part - which means trusting that all is well, and will be well. So of course I worry about having to trust the pilot (God), and the plane to stay up in the sky, especially when I don’t understand the ‘mechanics’ behind any of it (how does something so heavy remain airborne?; and how does one fly a plane?)
Take a risk, ask God to remove the fear of flying (the fear of change), let go and let God be in charge of the outcome, and just enjoy the journey, like we are meant to do. Simple, but not easy (as we say in AA). Bon voyage!